gone gone gone.

alright, i'm leaving for the summer now. 

all i ask of you is;

if you truly love me, prove it.

you say that despite this "break" you love me... but i need to KNOW you love me. hearing doesn't equal knowing. i can hear i love you, i love you, i love you. but i can't tell if you're telling the truth or not....

i want you.

"i want to be somewhere hot married to you with our second child on the way..."

don't count on it. i'd love to, oh trust me, i'd love to.

but, you're hurting me. don't you get that? i understand this "break" shit... really, i do. i just don't understand how i'm going to manage this summer without you. you're over it already. i can fucking see that. YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME AND THEN TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

i love you. i can't handle this though. i can't sit here and wait for you to be done having your fun all summer so you can take me back. i can't continue to cry myself to sleep every single fucking night because god knows if your off with some other girl, having the time of your life. i just need you. 

i need you now, not a few months from now.

ps: i'm not killing myself, you aren't worth that.

hrm.

i think it's about that time for you to start reading this.

i don't know how else to get through to you. i LOVE you. i know that means shit right now but i do. 

"I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me"

and fuck it. i was stupid.

alright - if you love me, prove it to me.

oh right, you won't. because you need time to be happy with yourself and such. i didn't realize that meant partying and fucking. who knew? 

i do not hook up.

i'm sure you're out there whoring it up. 

have fun fucking all the girls you want, get craps. party party party - that's what you want, isn't it? 

drunk sex, epic. once again, think about me next time, asshole. 

i'm about done. 

it's always better when we're together...

yet, that doesn't seem to affect you.

i just need you, i'm sorry. you seem to be caring less and less each day and i was under the impression that i mattered to you - was i wrong in thinking so stupidly. i hate what you've been doing to me, i hate hate hate it. you're a prick , you know?  

i'm in denial - fact. i love you - fact. we're together - fiction.

i'm still calling you my boyfriend, i don't know what else to call you anymore. we aren't going to be together in september darling, i know you. you need freedom - well go fucking have your freedom. i just love you; one day please notice that. 

thanks for nothing.

fuck you.

i tried to cut myself. the scissors weren't sharp enough. 

but you don't care, you say you do. you don't. you'll be lucky if i'm alive still, i just might do it. i don't care anymore. i didn't tell you so you wouldn't call my parents. fuck it. 

if i don't off myself, i might just slice my leg to pieces. but it wouldn't matter. it shouldn't. 

guess what? you don't love me. i figured it out - took me long enough.

"i love you" my ass.

you cheated,

why. why why why why why why why why why.

fucking me wasn't good enough? fucking grand. 

i hate you. i do. i hate you soooo much right now, i could wring your neck. how could you do something so selfish without thinking about the consequences? i would NEVER cheat on you. why did you think it was okay? why do you think alcohol is a valid excuse? why can't you just be with JUST me? why? why? why? ugh.

fuck you. i hope you thought about me while you were ramming your cock into her. trust me, if i ever meet her, she's dead. you're lucky i'm not murdering you as we speak.